Parle vous Anglais?

"Parle vous Anglais?"...otherwise known as "Do we look stunned when you speak THE French?"

We went to Motnreal for our 1st wedding anniversary this past weekend - Montreal seemed like the closest, most affordable and romantic city in a 300 mile radius. We had gotten a "Gourment" magazine in the spring featuring the Canadian city so we packed the car and started driving.

Montreal is in the province of Quebec and the official language is French. We'd been to Montreal only once before with friends - one of whom was fluent in French so we never had to confront the fact that we don't speak French. Fortunately Ryan had printed off about 10 common sayings that we practiced once we got closer to the city on Friday afternoon.

I did a great job with the phrases in the car -and when it came to reality, it turns out Ryan had the confidence of a bull and took over when I crumbled to bits.

Now, I was not entirely incompetent - in fact I am pretty sure that my pronunciation is very good. I have been told on a number of ocassions that I have "a good ear" for languages.

I can say "bonjour!" with the best of them, but it's what happens AFTER that first "bonjour" comes out that I have problems. You see, I was expecting a textbook interaction every time -

Liz: "Bonjour!"
Clerk: "Bonjour!"
Liz "Comment allez-vous?" (How are you?)
Clerk: "Bien. Vous?" (Good. You?)
Liz: "Bien. Parle vous Anglais?" (Good. Do you speak English?)
Clerk. "Oui! Yes I do! How may I help you?"

This never happened of course. I'd start off with "Bonjour" and they'd give me a bonjour back and then pop off with something like "la les swah-vous - du mon?" and their tone (not to mention the fact that they'd paused and had a questioning look) would be a clear indication that I needed to respond.

Instead of responding, I froze. Then I laughed. Then, I simply turned and walked away....still laughing. It was mortifying to me and I'm sure I've pitted Quebec even more against the U.S. as a result.

My first embarassing moment occurred within hours of our arrival when a young sales clerk approached me and started jabbering away. I had not a clue what he was saying - and I started to laugh and then said "I'm sorry I don't know what you're saying, I don't speak french!" or something to that effect. This is probably better than what I actually murmured because, well, I was nervous and laughing. He looked perplexed as I walked away laughing and trying to hide behind product displays.

In the very same store, we went to pay and we got to our usual "bonjour" stage when the cashier asked a question that neither of us expected. Ryan hadn't gotten his "french legs" working yet (kinda like when you go on a boat and someone says "You don't have your 'sea legs' yet!" ..but French legs are of course much smoother, more toned and always seen in stylish heels) .

So we sort of looked to one another to help and started to stutter in English. The cashier switched gears and started to speak in English. I of course was already laughing and a question came to my mind amidst my jubliance. I wondered if we looked totally freaked out when she started speaking French. Did I look like a deer in the headlights?

But of course, instead of communicating my question using even proper English, I was too dumbfounded (and still giggling) to really get my point across. So what I said was

"Do we look stunned when you speak *the* French?"

And I attend Harvard. It's pretty embarassing. "Speak THE French"...."THE French"????
Oh wow - mortifying.

The cashier didn't understand my question (no surprise there) so we paid and departed. I vowed from that moment to change my communication tactics. Ryan would do all of the talking.

More photos from our trip later on!
Liz